A Happy Marriage Is Good For Kids!
I remember learning in my Human Family OAC (remember those?) class about the cycles of a couple’s closeness. They are emotionally closest right after their marriage and they are farthest apart right after the birth of their first child. Once all the kids have flown the nest, some of the original closeness returns, but not to the same degree as when they were newlyweds. It’s funny that so many years later that collection of statistics has stuck with me. Now I’m seeing it in the “real world” in my office every week.
The addition of a baby to a family has a huge impact, you don’t need me to tell you that. But what a lot of parents miss is the importance of still keeping their marriages strong. Society tells us that a good parent (moms, in particular) puts her kids first, above all else, including marriage. (I am using the word “marriage” to respectfully encompass all parenting teams that live in the same house as their children, whether they are officially married or otherwise committed to one another).
But I don’t believe that’s true. Children who believe that they are the centre of the world risk becoming very self-focused. They can struggle making their own relationships work because they haven’t had strong role models. They may lack experience in compromising, working as a team, and gaining pleasure from meeting someone else’s needs.
When you’re in the “growing family” stage, the small things make the difference in your marriage. But it’s critical to continue the little things you can easily fit into everyday life. Five minutes chatting every day, going to bed at the same time and snuggling (or more…), kissing each other good bye and good night. Your children will benefit in so many ways: absorbing a great model of marriage, feeling secure because there is no tension or fighting, a family unit that cares for and looks out for each other. It’s not selfish to take some time for yourselves as a couple. In fact, it’s probably one of the most important things you can do for the well-being of your kids (and, of course, yourselves).
Don’t fool yourself into believing that your marriage is strong enough to withstand being back burnered for the next 18 years while you’re raising your family. Relationships need to be tended to. Feeling important and valued helps all of us be our best. So add “having a great marriage” to the list of things you do for your children.
Need some ideas?
29 Ways To Keep Your Relationship Tuned Up
The Hard Road To A Happy Marriage