I’ll admit I was a bit sad to hear about Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin’s break-up.  I always feel a little sad when I hear that someone’s marriage is over.  I don’t know what went on between them, and what kind of “work” they did, alone and together, to keep their marriage on track, but I have seen first-hand how devastating divorce often is.  Despite feeling as though it’s the inevitable option, most people are caught off guard by just how heart-wrenching it is.

And I’m not so sure about this “conscious uncoupling” program that they have apparently undertaken.  It appears to a be a consciousness-building program designed to help couples have the best divorce possible and grow from the experience.  I certainly hope that works for them.  Because from what I’ve seen, any increased consciousness they gain comes at an extremely high price.  How can you honour a marriage and destroy it at the same time?

I’m also not clear how the program would work for most couples, in that most divorces are initiated by one person.  The other person is heartbroken and devastated.  So I’m not sure how effectively that person can achieve any personal growth when he or she has been crushed by their spouse’s decision to end the marriage.

I wish Gwyneth and Chris both the best, and hope that they don’t experience the number one regret of divorced parents: that they didn’t try harder.  When you see the fall-out hitting your children, it’s hard to not wish that you had tried just one more thing to keep your family together.

For all of us, remember that love is a decision.  You make the decision every day to do things that promote your marriage and keep it healthy, but you can also make the decision to do things that destroy it from the inside.  My marriage advice?  Commit to spending time together, having fun together, and learning the relationship skills you need to keep this critical relationship strong and fulfilling…and consciousness-raising in its own way.