I had an interesting conversation with a business advisor who was learning more about what I do.  He asked if I thought that some parents were just “lucky” in having great kids…you, know, the ones who listen, cooperate, and are just generally easy to be around.

I hadn’t really thought about it.  I believe in playing the hand you’re dealt, so if you’ve got a sensitive kid, no sense in wasting time feeling “lucky” or “unlucky” about it — just cut the tags out of their clothes, turn down the radio if it’s too loud for Junior, and go on living.

But I also think, too, that it’s not so much a matter of luck, but a matter of needs.  Some kids are better at meeting their own needs than others.  And some easygoing kids just seem to have fewer needs than their siblings.  Is that lucky?  I suppose you could consider it that.  But does it help you to become a better parent if you’re cursing the “luck” of your neighbour whose kids do what they’re asked and are always home on time?  Or might your luck take a turn for the better if you followed her lead and copy the way your neighbour works to create a relationship with her kids that has lead to these behaviours?

Also, what would make one kid easy to one parent might make them a handful to another.  An outgoing, friendly parent might find it easier to have a kid who’s also the life of the party, and find it incredibly frustrating and worrisome to have a more reserved, shy, or crowd-averse little one.  That doesn’t make the second one bad, it just means that both parent and kid have to work a little harder at understanding each other.  So I suppose you could argue that when you have a kid whose temperament matches yours, you are “lucky”.

I guess we don’t really know for sure.  Parenting my kids has its challenges, no doubt, but I feel pretty lucky to have them as my kids.  And even though it isn’t always easy, I work hard at trying to meet them where they’re at and create an environment that supports their best efforts, and caters to making sure that they get what they need in healthy, respectful ways.  Because when they feel good about themselves, they behave in a way that might lead other parents to think that I’m “lucky”.

So in response to your question, John, I guess my answer would have to be that, when it comes to parenting, in some ways, you really do create your own luck, and in others, a shift in perspective is all it takes to feel like the luckiest parent in the world.