We’d all like to keep our kids away from graphic and disturbing internet pornography. Filtering tools give us a feeling of safety, but unfortunately researchers have consistently found that they aren’t effective and have little impact on whether or not internet users were exposed to explicit sexual content. (See some of the studies here and here.)

While it would be reassuring to think that we could turn up the filter and relax knowing this material is out of reach, the software doesn’t seem to be there yet. So what does a parent do in the meantime? Continue to build that relationship with your kids, and become a source of quality information for them. Raise the topic, don’t shy away from it or assume that it doesn’t affect *your* kids. Be open to their questions, answer honestly and without panic or anger, and make suggestions for them as to where they can go to find the information they are looking for. Let them know that what they see online is not reality, it doesn’t represent healthy relationships, and it is not “what everyone is doing.” Uncomfortable? Perhaps. But probably less uncomfortable than the alternative.

12 rules for constructive communication

Freaked out at the thought of talking to your kids about porn? Try starting with listening.

Is snooping on our kids ever ok?