Why Kids Need Chores
Back when actual papers were delivered to our house, I would cut out articles that were relevant to my work as a psychotherapist. I was recently cleaning out my files and came across one from the Toronto Star, way back in April 2010 as far as I can tell, titled “Hey Kids, Why Is Dad Taking Out The Trash?” (It’s a good one about chores. I’ve referenced this article before!) In it, author Andrea Gordon states, “They may have mastered martial arts and piano, but they can’t find the circuit breaker panel or figure out whether the two-week-old chicken in their fridge has gone bad.” Maybe in the same way that planning for months or years for a wedding without planning for the marriage, by focusing so much on school, it is possible to forget about teaching kids the skills they’ll need to succeed after school.
A research study conducted in 2002 at the University of Minnesota by professor Marty Rossman, discovered that children “who began doing household tasks at an early age grew into more well-adjusted adults.” The kids in her study who began doing chores in the youngest age group, preschool, were the most “responsible, confident, and able to take care of themselves in adulthood.”
We all need to overcome challenges and adversity in order to not only grow as individuals, but to also see ourselves as capable people who can take care of ourselves. The “make ‘em happy at any cost” style of parenting that has become very common over the past 30 years, does not arm our kids with the skills and mindsets they need to succeed. When life is always easy, or when things are always taken care of for you, how do you ever learn to take care of yourself? It isn’t a very empowering view.
With the sometimes frantic lives we lead today, it can feel like a hassle to train kids how to use a vacuum or do the laundry. And the older your children are when you bring it up, the more resistance you’re likely to get. It can seem like more trouble than it’s worth. But on a purely practical level, you will save time in the long run to have them take some of those duties off your hands, time that might leave you free to enjoy more time together as a family. You’ll also be arming them with the hands-on training that they need to lead a successful life as an adult. But perhaps most importantly, you’ll be fostering a sense of competence and “I can do it” in your kids, which goes far, far beyond just knowing how to set a table.
Not sure where to start? What’s a reasonable expectation for your two or three year old, or your 15 year old, for that matter? Here are a couple of resources I found online (although you can certainly do your own search, using terms like children, chores, and age):
From About.com: http://housekeeping.about.com/od/chorechart1/a/ageapprchores.htm
From WebMD.com: http://www.webmd.com/parenting/features/chores-for-children?page=4 (scroll down for the list of chores, I’m not necessarily in agreement with everything else in this article)
Pick a few items off the list, or let your kids pick, and build from there. Don’t get disappointed or frustrated with the lack of workmanship or the resistance you may receive. Like brushing their teeth, eating their veggies, and getting a good night’s sleep, getting your kids to pitch in around the house is an investment now that pays back dividends later.